The alarm clock rang nonstop.
A hand hanging from the side of the bed crept from where it was, blindly groped the side table and roughly yanked the alarm clock in a futile attempt to turn it off. Still drowsy from the lack of sleep and groggy from all the crying, Samantha’s groping hand missed the clock and sent it flying to the floor.
BLAG! CRASH!
And the alarm clock sounded no more.
Samantha’s puffy eyes flew open, not so much from the ringing of the alarm clock but from the crashing sound as it fell to the floor.
Still lying down, she stretched a bit and then, suddenly went still as thoughts of how her world fell apart the day before flooded her mind.
“Damn him! Damn him!”, she cursed to herself as she felt her eyes sting with threatening tears.
She could still remember clearly how ever so gently Jim, her boyfriend for more than three years, told her the words that made her world fall apart. “Sam,” Jim said, “I’m really sorry. I love Megan. I know I have hurt you but I’ll be hurting you more if I keep up with this charade.”
He said something more. Something about her finding someone more than him. “Damn him! Doesn’t he know I’ve built my world around him?” Samantha asked herself through a blur of tears.
The illusion she built with Jim for more than three years crumbled in less than five minutes. And her heart broke into millions of tiny pieces. How on earth was she ever going to live her life without Jim?
How could she last another day?
Once again, the tears flowed unbidden. And she wept for another hour or so.
As she calmed down a bit, she thought about the telltale signs she chose to ignore: the forgotten borthday, the missed anniversary, the countless excuses——- a lot of them. She should have been more vigilant, she should have been more observant, she should have been……… too many should have beens!
Slowly, Samanatha got off from her bed and walked to her window, lingering for a while before drawing her blinds open. Her gaze turned to take in the view of her surroundings, expecting the world to become dark, dull and dreary after Jim was gone.
But the sun was still shining, the flowers bloomed even more beautiful than the day before. And the sky is still so radiantly blue. How could the world be the same when hers was turned upside down?
A knock on her bedroom door interrupted her reverie.
“Come in!” Samantha called softly.
The door opened and her younger sister, Jennifer, flew into the room, literally jumping on her bed as though it was a newly filled swimming pool.
“Hey, Sam! What is this moping all about?”
“Jim’s gone…”
Jennifer was silent for a minute.
“So what, Sam? Only Jim is gone. You are still here. We are still here.”
Samantha walked to the bed quietly and sat. “It hurts like hell, Jen,” she said trying to hold back the tears.
“I know it hurts, Sam, but…”
“You don’t understand. Jim was my world and now he’s gone!”
Jennifer looked at her sister straight in the eye and tolf her,” No, Sam. Jim was not your world. He was never your world. You just chose to believe he was.”
Her sister sat beside her on the bed and told her matter of factly,” Look at those clouds, Sam. Have you noticed that at certain moments, it eclipses the light of the sun? But that’s all it ever does for the sun continues to shine behind it.”
“You are like that sun, Samantha. You are radiant.” Jennifer put a hand on her shoulders and went on, ” Jim being gone is but a dark cloud in your sky trying ro dim your brightness. And dimming your brightness is all he can ever do unless…..”
“Unless what?” Samantha demanded.
“Unless you let him steal the radiance in you,” Jennifer told her sister and engulfed her in a comforting embrace.
Crying and smiling at the same time, Samantha savored the comfort of her sister’s embrace.
Yes, she thought, Jim is gone…. out of her life, out of her world. For now, while the pain is still new, she will let it matter. She will savor the pain and learn from it. For now…
One day, she knew she will be able to look back and say to herself, “It doesn’t matter at all....
(This piece was written way back at what used to be Yahoo!360... sometime in 2006 yet...)
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